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When you're in an argument or when something doesn't go according to plan - do you face it head on? Avoid conflict? Say sorry when it wasn't your fault? Shut down? We all have a default way of responding when our sense of self or safety is threatened, and that default response looks different for each of us based on biology, our past lived experiences, and the percieved intensity of the threat. In this episode I unpack identifying what your default survival mode ore response is and why that matters. Next week's conversation will be a natural extension from today's conversation and we'll talk about how it might be helpful to also identify the default survival responses of a partner, friends, or parent as well. Hit play to lean more!

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3 Takeaways from this episode:

  1. We all have default survival responses. Take time to identify what yours is. Maybe you have distinctly different default responses in your relationship versus at work, etc…

  2. Whatever your default survival response in any situations, remember that although you do not consciously choose that response - you are responsible for the impact of it in situations and relationships. And know that every default response was formed with positive intent to help protect you, get your needs met, or to help you cope. The disconnect arises when the survival response patterns, or at least the intensity or flavor of them that you needed then, don’t match what you currently need now in your life.

  3. A variety of things can contribute to your default state and it’s through self-awareness and regulation skills that you’re able to more consciously choose and modulate your survival responses based on the situation. With awareness, practice, and often therapeutic support, it is absolutely possible to shift or at least soften away from default responses that no longer serve you or your current reality, and instead to develop more adaptive response and coping strategies.

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